International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). Note that I said "freely" - emotionally guilt tripping women, threatening them with divorce or withholding custody of their children from them, and other such nefarious tactics to pressure women into 'accepting polygamy' are not equivalent to consent without coercion. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. Archives of Women's Mental Health. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. King MT. 4. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Sharing household chores: Mrs. Tanveer with time accepted her co-wife and living in the same home. Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. So, she accepted this relationship. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. polyandry, marriage of a woman to two or more men at the same time; the term derives from the Greek polys, "many," and anr, andros, "man." When the husbands in a polyandrous marriage are brothers or are said to be brothers, the institution is called adelphic, or fraternal, polyandry. Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. The average duration of polygamy was about 11 years so most of the co-wives had been accepted co-wives and engaged themselves in several activities and got comfort considering it fate role, religious permission, and compromise for the sake of their children's future rather than divorce. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. The Review of Economic Studies. Dealing with your partner's baggage. His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. They also threatened her with divorce. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. But thats not how it works out for everyone. Can I marry second wife? But here I am, married to a man who was married before. Her husband got married to Miss Sobia who was the 2nd wife and it was again a love marriage. 5. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. I was so impressed., READ MORE:Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya. I'm seven months pregnant. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. His first marriage counted. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. After 11 years passed when she had not conceived her in-laws forced her husband for co-wife. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Journal of Moral Philosophy. Naturally, I instantly felt like I wasnt woman enough for him, Lillian says. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. In this case, I would prefer to keep my marriage to make sure my children have a bright future," she . But after few months it was disclosed. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. Her ex-husband died. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. 'I don't care about anything. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. 2006; 35(1), 46-61. Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. It was a love marriage. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. The historic context was that men often died in battle . Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. I never expected to be a second wife. "If it's mostly. disadvantages of being a second wife islamirina emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. But surprisingly enough, she understood and agreed to it. "If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. Being Muslim doesn't change the biology of pain, of envy, and of sadnessthese are human emotions that are consequences of the act. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. Marriage Counseling vs. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? The co-wives were approached from their homes. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they arent so much. The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. 2014; 8-10. Cross-Cultural Research. But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. When people. Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . She told, "I used to cry in isolation". The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. This practice of taking on another wife while still married to the first one is called polygamy, not to be confused with origami - which is the art of folding colored papers. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. Can expand your gene pool. Now the first wife has no say. She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. Social Change. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? For Lillian Makhubalo* it was like a blow to the heart. Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife.
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